March 1461
I had felt differently at the muster. It all was as normal: horses swishing flies with their tail, men kissing their families goodbye, and women clinging to red roses- the symbol of Lancaster, our house- so hard that some had blood running from their hands from the thorns they were too lazy to remove. And still I sobbed throughout the whole. It was odd for me to be so emotional, for at my age I knew that causalities were the “fortunes of war”, as we called them. I knew that I was not with child- my courses had come and ended two days before. I had no idea why, and thus ignored it.
Since then, Thomas and Richard had got into less trouble. We had a consistent supply of bread, and the cook never found any sweets missing. I slept later with no one to demand I see what trouble there was in the nursery. My boys never spoke out at dinner, and their behavior was excellent. I knew they missed their father as much as I.
At last I managed to break the seal, and unfold the letter. I knew what was coming, but I couldn't stop myself from crying out and dropping the letter when I read it. John was dead. He had died in the second battle of St. Albany, leading the cavalry charge.
“Mama? What’s wrong?” Thomas and Richard were running towards me. I smiled through my tears, and gathered them into my lap. Thomas- being the ‘man of the house’ in his father’s absence squirmed out, but Richard remained.
“Mama?”
I hugged him even tighter, tears staining his linen shirt. Thomas picked up the letter, and read it slowly-haltingly- aloud.
“My dea-dearest daughter. I wish that I wer-were not the one to have to tell you this.” He finished it, and looked at me. “Father is dead?”
I nodded, unable to say a word. Richard burst into tears, and buried his face in my dress. I placed my arm around him and his brother: we were a fatherless, husband-less family now.
April 1464
I listened hard. Sure enough, hoofbeats sounded in the distance. I stood up, and gathered Thomas and Richard to myself. A minute later, men on horses, in armor, were visible around the corner. There was only one man I saw, though, and it was the one with a crown on his helmet.
I felt myself running into the hard-packed dirt road, though my mind screamed against it.
“Stop!” Thomas shouted. “Don’t run over Mama!” He blushed and stepped back, embarrassed to have given orders to the king of England. The obliged, and I remained un-trampled.
“Your Grace,” I knelt. The king slid off his horse, and removed his helmet. He nodded at me to rise, and I did. He walked around me, inspecting me as if I were a statue to admire. I felt his eyes on me, and I stiffened. I was aware that many men found me beautiful, and this king was not known for his chastity.
“Who is this?” His voice was tinged with amusement, and every instinct I had screamed to run.
“I am Lady Elizabeth Grey, the widow of Sir John Grey of Groby, and mother to Thomas and Richard.” I hoped that in reminding him of the presence of my sons, I would be safer. I would never have done this if I was not desperate.